Smoke, and you may regret it!  I am not talking about lung cancer either..

If you are going to puff cigarettes, it might be a good idea to learn to smoke without fingers, and use your toes instead!  That’s because things can die and fall the hell off if you smoke!  You might perhaps learn to eat, hold a glass, dial a cell phone, and drive while you’re at it!  Kate Moss was hugely popular because of her skinny stick figure that made her a supermodel. However, Kate Moss is more remembered for her scandalous private life, party lifestyle, and high profile relationships.  She also became infamous when a newpaper published photos of her snorting several lines of white powder that was alleged to be cocaine.  Well, since she doesn’t have a lot of breast size to lose on top, and skinny skinny models are on the out,  she may want to think about healthier choices, at least to save her nipples! (and keep her heiny crotch out of jail, and keep a job).

Smoking does kill!  Things fall off when blood flow stops and healing cells fail.

The effect of smoking goes farther than just causing lung damage, it also causes white blood cell inhibition.  This is a serious issue because they are damn important!   Nicotine, and carbon monoxide inhaled from a cigarette can constrict the blood flow to various parts of the body. This disrupts the  healing process of a body part by stopping blood from reaching it.  So, a little puff seems innocent enough, but it can have huge consequences that are not good at all!  Now, nipples don’t just fall off.  I am talking about nipples and body parts that are injured in some fashion.

Megan Fox is smoking hot!

She is a beautiful girl, but a smoker unfortunately!  Rumor has it that she prefers pot to cigarettes which is even worse.  Somehow people that smoke marijuana don’t actually think they smoke, and don’t think it is bad, or illegal?  It has the  same effect, if not worse than cigarettes because THC, the main chemical component of marijuana, becomes absorbed by the white blood cells (again those darn white cells) in the body. The white blood cells are your body’s “fighter” cells that  assist in the healing process. So pot can make a lot of things other than nipples fall off, like brain power, class, common sense, and a career.  You see, once a surgeon moves a nipple higher on a reconstructed breast, it has to find blood to keep it alive, and also infection can cause it to fail to heal – this is important to those who are trying to look great and need their nipples to do so.  Heck, Megans’ nipples are probably insured by Lloyd’s of London, if not, they should be!

It would be a crying shame to think what might have happened if Farah Fawcett had smoked!  I think she did have breast enhancement surgery which turned out great!  We all would have gone through our teen years without her nipple poster that was in every boy’s room across America!  Clinical studies have consistently shown that individuals exposed to cigarette smoke – whether “first-” or “second-hand”– heal poorly and are more likely to develop scarring and associated diseases.  Farah had an amazing body, and died way too young at age 62 of anal cancer.

Other things could fall off too!

Cross your legs before reading: a man is suing his anesthesiologist in a Miami  after his penis had to be amputated following implant surgery. He was smoking and had diabetes, and this is a prescription for bad surgical results.  Because smoking turns off your infection fighting white blood cells, and high blood sugar is toxic to circulation machinery so cells can’t get to the site of infection – this person got a flesh-eating bacteria that ate his penis centimeter by centimeter! He has to sit down to urinate, he’ll never have any intimate relationships with anyone.  So, if you are going to have surgery of any kind, make sure you have quit smoking and have your body in a good position to recover.

She looks good in blue! Wish the paint would fall off though.

So do what Kate Upton does, and protect your nipples by not smoking!  Sports Illustrated decided to help her by giving her breasts a coat of protective paint only!  I think it was a great start, but everyone needs to kick butt and stop  smoking!

Smoking makes your looks fall off too.  There isn’t a beauty regime in the world strong enough to make up for the damage to skin due to cigarette smoking. Are you still smoking?  Really?

Time to kick the tar out of this cigarette infested country,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD

Men, You’re on the Penis Clock

Women say, “the actual vaginal penetration should last for 7 to 20 minutes” but that is after 20 minutes to an hour of foreplay!  Normal men last around 7 minutes, and when asked about foreplay said, “we can just skip that really.”

Minute Man

While women do like intercourse to last longer than most men do, it depends on whether the sex is enjoyable or painful.  Some men however suffer their own mental pain, and those are the guys who worry about climaxing too fast.  According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine premature ejaculation is characterized by:  Ejaculation that always or nearly always occurs within one minute or less of vaginal penetration or immediate ejaculation upon entering the vagina!

Caveman Sex – When did this idea of premature ejaculation come from?

From an evolutionary point of view, it’s probable that males who climaxed quickly were more likely to have children. In other words, if you were a caveman who came very fast, you’d stand more chance of impregnating your woman and enlarging your tribe.

Penis Marathon Training Aids – Don’t be a sprinter!

Premature ejaculation has been linked to magnesium deficiency.  Magnesium is really that good.  It’s an essential mineral, and there’s up to an 80% chance you’re not getting enough of it. Magnesium supplements can therefore help treat premature ejaculation, and maybe even combats Erectile Dysfunction (ED), and low libido too.  For those who want the best vitamins try www.ivitaminscience.com’s Evolution Product!

Numb Penis

There are metered topical anesthetic sprays containing Lidocaine as its active ingredient. Applying a small amount to the head and shaft of the penis 10-20 minutes before intercourse can make a significant qualitative difference in your life.  You can’t feel anything, but you last for a long time!

Antidepressants and PE

It is rather common to attribute Premature Ejaculation to depression and anxiety, but most likely the PE exacerbates these conditions rather than being the root cause.  Anyway, a lot of my patients find that taking an antidepressant medication really does help if they suffer from severe premature ejaculation.

Time to go for the big 20,

Dr. Frye

FINGER MATTERS

Big fingers = big penis?  Scientists say finger length may help a girl know a guy’s penis length when he is not erect, but not when he is excited.  Most of the time, erect size is much larger- but not always, so don’t “judge a finger by it’s cover.” The longest finger should be 7/8th of the length of the palm of the hand.  Any shorter – you might be sporting a small penis, but also have an increased risk of cancer in the prostate, poor sports skills, small bank account, and increased odds of homosexuality!  Wow, that is a lot a pressure for an simple finger!

Why do men with the longest fingers seem to want to become protologists and urologists, and women with the smallest fingers become gynecologists?  Seems like it should be reversed somehow?  I hate seeing XL gloves in the office as I wait for the doctor to come in the room.

Relative finger length can be useful and can be used as a simple test for prostate cancer risk, particularly in men aged under 60.  Scientists found that if the index finger is longer than the ring finger, men were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer. It may be related to levels of the male hormone testosterone exposure in the womb.  Personally, I would stick to routine rectal exams and Prostate Specific Antigen -PSA (www.beacheslabs.com) testing over checking hand sizes, and you should too.  Did you know you could order bloodwork without having to see the doctor?   Well, you can.  I just started a company to do just that.  Check it out – it is coming soon.

It isn’t all about the prostate!  Stock Traders with long ring fingers made up to 11 times the earnings of their counterparts. Big hands = big billfold girls!  We all know how NBA and NFL players make out – they have the largest hands on the planet.  Go HEAT!

Short fingered Brad Womack  (Brad Womack = A#@ hole)

To put something on the long finger is an Irish, expression meaning ‘to postpone indefinitely’, and comes from the custom of wearing a ring on the index finger of your left hand if you are not enagaged or married, on the second (long) finger if you are engaged, on the third (ring)finger if married, and on the little finger if entirely disinclined.  Maybe this is why  Bachelor Brad had such a hard time “popping” the question!  Maybe one of the new bachelorettes will put a pump in the Womack hole this season.  I think we should send him to a long fingered proctologist if he can’t find a girl to get engaged with after this new season.

Time to go finger it all out!

Dr. Frye

If I pull her finger and she passes gas, I’ll get an erection?

The stink of flatulence and rotten eggs could provide a surprising lift for men. Hydrogen sulphide (smell of sewer gas) causes erections in rats and may one day provide an alternative to Viagra for men.  The verdict is unclear about the gassy female Viagra effect, but so far it seems women don’t seem to get turned on as much by farting men.

The smell of sex is in the air – too bad you might vomit.

How Viagra Farts Work

The penis is packed with spongy tissue that produces an erection when it fills with blood. Nitric oxide (the blue spot to the left) helps relax the walls of arteries that supply the penis, allowing extra blood to flow in. Viagra works by blocking an enzyme that destroys NO. Farts seem to increase blood flow just like a Viagra!
Poor Man’s Jacuzzi

H2S has recently been shown to relax the walls of major blood vessels. Italian scientists have found enzymes that produce H2S in human penile tissue. Injecting these proteins into the penises of live rats produced erections.  Maybe one day this protein could take the place of Viagra, and repair ED without all the headaches. All this gas in the pool could  be a problem for guys in speedos!

Riding the bus is a gas!

An eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas. The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe.  No word on whether all the boys got erections.

So girls, the next time you bump into some guy who you think is a hottie, give him a very good signal and blow that gas…  Think of it as a conversation starter with a kick!  :)

It’s Jacuzzi Time All the Time,

Dr. Frye

WHERE’S THE BEEF?

Erection Failure Is a Disaster!

But, there are some natural ways to help prevent this conversation, and perhaps might allow a guy to use those handy blue Viagra Pills only as backup.  A recent study suggests that pomegranate juice might be a healthy way to improve erectile dysfunction.

The purple-reddish colored fruit has more anti-oxidants than red wine, green tea or blueberries, and is thought to have excellent anti-aging properties, with benefits for everything from wrinkle- free glowing skin to better heart and circulatory health.

Nearly half of  men (47%) who drank a glass of pomegranate juice a day reported they got better erections and had better sex.  Drinking concentrated POM liquid decreases a chemical reactant in the blood called carbonyl malondialdehyde (MDA) by 48.5 percent, and that helps blood flow get to the penis.  I think Low MDA means “Make my Day”!

Pictures of the ripe fruit with the seeds bursting forth were often hung in homes to bestow fertility and bless the dwelling with numerous offspring, an important facet of traditional Chinese culture.  So my friends in the Anti-aging community that come rushing into my office with this “new” great idea called POM juice- hey this idea  has been out for thousands of years. 

 Our Government is impotent, and they want everyone else to be apparently!  Suing POM makers??

The Federal Trade Commission is getting angry with the company that produces POM Wonderful.  In fact, just a couple of months ago, the FTC sued the drink maker for making unsubstantiated health claims about how good POM is for a myriad of problems.  So, I suggest you, and the FDA try POM  and hopefully the only screwing will be done in bedrooms instead of the courtrooms. 

Pom trial time,

Dr. Frye

Perhaps we should introduce a spanking bill for Congress?

Spanking increases testosterone!

At spanking parties, women showed significantly higher levels of testosterone when experiencing these types of S&M activities. The researchers said the testosterone boost may be a sign of stress, or may help women deal with the aggression displayed by their partner.

Assemblyman Michael Duvall (R-Yorba Linda), whose remarks were videotaped in July during a lull in a Sacramento, California  hearing, stepped down less than 24 hours after the tape spread online.  He talked at length about spanking his his mistresses and her eye-patch underwear.  Now he denies any affairs!   Maybe he needs a spanking so that his testosterone increases and his memory clears!

I don’t think this was the actual pair of “eye patch” underwear his mistress was wearing? Do you?

Maybe his girlfriends just needed testosterone?  In women, testosterone increases vaginal lubrication in the same way that it increases nitric oxide in men’s arteries, allowing their penis to become erect.

For women, testosterone has the power to decrease fat mass, and increases lean body mass.  In other current news, it looks like “Miss” Semenya has testicles inside his/her body pouring out testosterone, instead of ovaries which make estrogen. 

Although many in the track and field regulatory bodies feel that they should strip him/her of her records, I think it is clear a spanking isn’t going to be necessary!

Time for Time Out,

Dr. Darrin Frye

You might need to see one of these Penis Shrinks for penis shrinkage!

Just as the penis grows without your consent, sometimes it shrinks. “The flaccid penis varies in size considerably within a given man,” says Drogo Montague, MD, a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic.  That’s a function of the sympathetic nervous system.  So if your penis goes missing, it could be from stress (and the cold)!

Psychological Stress also involves the sympathetic nervous system, and stress has the same effect as a cold shower, Montague says. When you’re relaxed and feeling well, your flaccid penis looks bigger than when you’re stressed out.  I don’t know for sure, but maybe this is the origin of the phrase, Stage Fright?

“Relax, Dog!”

The penis is “kind of a barometer of the sympathetic nervous system,” Montague says. So the greeting, “How’s it hanging, dog?” is more apt than you might have realized.

 Foreskin Facts – they may knock your hat off!

A report by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV /AIDS (UNAIDS) estimates that worldwide only 30 percent of males aged 15 and up are circumcised.  Rates vary greatly depending upon religion and nationality. Almost all Jewish and Muslim males in the world have circumcised penises, and together they account for about 70 percent of all circumcised males globally. 

Circumcision has existed for thousands of years, going back to Egyptian times; it is typically an intricate part of religious faith for Jewish and Muslim families. In the United States, circumcision was not practiced widely until the late 19th century. Around the beginning of the 20th century, cleanliness became associated with wealth, and a circumcised penis was thought to be cleaner; about 25% of men were circumcised at that point. Now,the CDC estimates that about 65 percent of all newborn boys get circumcised in the U.S. today.

Self-diagnosis can sometimes be quite accurate (assuming there was a brain to damage)

 The Controversy Rages On

The issue of circumcision is as controversial as it ever has been. There are well-known religious, social, and medical reasons to recommend circumcision; however, most major medical societies have taken an “impartial” view of the procedure, neither recommending nor renouncing the practice.  In 2005, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) stated in no uncertain terms that “there is no absolute medical indication for routine circumcision of the newborn.”  Recently, however, several large studies revealed a 60% decrease in HIV transmission in circumcised males compared to uncircumcised ones.  So, now the medical societies and public health professionals are less sure about their ambivalence. 

Upcoming ER Story – “It’s bloody”

In my next blog, I will recant a true story about a patient I saw that demonstrates that there are more than just medical reasons for circumcision.

But for now, maybe a little lighter news -  “there is always a silver lining to removing a penis lining”  Just ask Oprah.

I don’t know just how advantageous this baby foreskin cream is, I have heard many a tall tale in the cosmetic industry.  I am not sure that I would want foreskin anything on my skin~!

 If you think circumcision causes brain damage or erectile dysfunction, raping your spouse causes damage that is far worse – and Paybacks are Hell!

The Emasculator herself, Lorena Bobbitt  aka “the Victor”

It’s been 16 years since Ms. Bobbitt hacked off John’s (her ex husband) penis, but the couple have reunited to talk about what went wrong in their marriage.  In a cringe-worthy whack job that scared men witless — and spawned a flood of tasteless jokes — Lorena, then 24, cut off more than half of then-husband John’s penis as he slept on June 23, 1993, after returning drunk from a night of partying and allegedly raping her. The penis was successfully reattached but apparently John has suffered serious brain damage. (discussing what went wrong in their marriage ?? – let’s say, maybe 200 stitches and sitting down to pee for a year?)

 Time Surely Mattered,

Dr. Frye

Keeping the downstairs looking great is hard work, even more than the upstairs!

If you have planned to go on a sun-kissed beach holiday tour, you would certainly be looking to improve your appearance. The shape of your legs and thighs plays an important role in your appearance when you wear swimsuits or beach.

Paris Hilton was voted to have the 6th Best Legs in Hollywood – now seems to be more “grounded” lately.

A new procedure has been developed which uses Botox to carry out calf enhancements, it has been revealed.  Paris would be an excellent candidate in looking at her latest picture – she isn’t ready for the beach, more like Sea World!  (Rumor is she’s dating “Shamoo” the killer whale, she thinks he’s ‘hot” in his black and white suit -nice white teeth too)

The Wonder Drug – Botox Cosmetic

Beverly Hills-based plastic surgeon Dr. John Anastasatos claimed that many people across the globe are unhappy with the size of their calves and ankles, leading him to develop the new treatment.  The procedure uses strategic injections of Botox into selected leg muscles to reduce the size of their calves and muscles without any loss of muscle activity.

 Get your summer legs bikini ready with Dr. Botox

“The injections to certain leg musclesare administered in a precise, anatomic distribution pattern and doctors unfamiliar with the anatomy should not perform this procedure.” Dr. A  predicted that the treatment will become popular in the cosmetic surgery market and said he expects more impressive results to follow.  So far the Botox has not been helpful in reducing unsightly leg veins.

Don’t be fooled by the imposters…

Caffeine to Fat Fiber Leg Socks?

These Malaysia hosery is guaranteed to keep your legs from getting dirty for $8.99, but the only thing that will get thinner will be your wallet.  There are many gimmicks being touted for thinning the calves, so be careful out there.  Liposuction below the knee can be dangerous so that isn’t a good idea either.

So who was voted to have  the best legs in Hollywoodwithout Botox, socks, or lipo?

Ms. Kelly Brook (aka Kelly Ann Parsons) – gold medal winner of best legs for voluptuous women

She is an English model, actress, and swimwear designer featured mainly in bras and lingerie for large breasted women (not really known for her legs!).  She is well known as a Page 3 girl for the Daily Star.  I remember her in the movie, Survival Island which I viewed in downtown Baghdad, Iraq two years ago!  Recently she is known for her extremely short stint on Britain’s Got Talent as a fourth judge, which lasted less than a week!

Apparently, Kelly was out on the beach in St. Barts, and Billy Zaneher now ex-boyfriend, suffered from severe shrinkage and she tried to revive his ego with some warm sand in a remake of Survival Island, the lost penis episode.  Maybe this is why she traded him in on a new rugby model, Danny Cipriani?  I guess we’ll all see if “Britain does have talent”or if she votes him off.

Good thing she has good legs, she goes through a lot of beach buddies (where is Jason Statham?).  Here Danny today, gone tomorrow?  We’ll see! 

Keeping Time,

Dr. Frye

The Tour de France can cause Trouble in de pants.

Cyclist and exercise bike users, put prolonged pressure on the perineum (area from the genitals to the anus) because of the shape and size of the bike seat, and that  causes the penis and scrotum to contract involuntarily - referred to as “saddle balls” or  as I like to call them, “Democrats.”  The highest risk is experienced by males who cycle at least three hours every week.  The “sitting bone” area is full of nerves and blood vessels, and the constant pressure on them harms the nerves and constricts blood flow, causing tingling or numbness in the penis and eventually can cause ED (erectile dysfunction), or impotence (and tiny balls).  

The Biker Apostle Obama (Saddle balls makes one weak on national defense and strong on taxation without representation, too!)

See how you do on this Pres Riddle:  Name 3 “Ball Busters in Washington.”   1. Michelle Obama - she is the holder of the only nads in the White House. 2. Bike Seat - we need pads for the nads!  3. Obama’s 1984 style jeans he has on- holy cow!  (you’d think he would have bought some new jeans by now using some more of the stimulus package money he took from the American taxpayers - He is screaming for some True Religion’s or something stylish like a Nike outfit.

Having a hardbody is a good thing, unless you can’t get hardbody! 

Exercise helps keep a man sexually fit and mentally sharp, but Dr. Irwin Goldstein, a Boston University impotency specialist, says that bicycling is one workout to avoid!  Dr. Goldstein believes seat pressure can permanently damage the blood vessel that supply the penis. Call it an switch that remains in the “down position” no matter what!  It is important to keep your heart healthy, and your waistline slim, so we have to find a way to burn calories without ruining our sex lives! I have seen some of the newly designed bike seats that supposedly reduce pressure on the perineum, and they look like large UFO donuts and they are not practical.

Hopefully we don’t have to rely on Cialis or Viagra at this age! 

“years of marathon riding had left me “as soft as overcooked rigatoni” 

There is no reason to put that image in my head.  I mean, I love pasta!  At least I used to.    Let’s move on to another topic, shall we?  Let’s talk about swimming…wait a minute, what about Cold Water Shrinkage Syndrome?  <sigh>

Cold water even can shrink James Bond (aka Daniel Craig)!  Is no sport safe on the privates?

Women are exempt from Saddle Balls (I mean if they have original equipment)

Scientists studied the effect of marathon cycling on women and found their perineum to be quite resistant to repetitive pounding.   Cycling over three hours a week had no negative effect on sexual function or ability to achieve orgasm in the women studied. The male scientists that were following these ladies are all suffering from ED and severe eye strain, however.

Dr. Frye