FOTB – Food of the Boob
Sweet shaved ice! You know, the kind that’s extremely bad for you that contains all that goodness – namely: condensed milk and vanilla ice cream mixed with sugar , then drenched in a double coat of brown sugar? It’s ridiculously good and ridiculously bad, and should come with about 10 IU of insulin and a syringe. Well, a London ice cream parlor is titillating its customers with a new flavor of ice cream made from human breast milk, and that don’t need no sugar – it is already home sweetened!
The new ice cream flavor, which is named “Baby Gaga,” is made from a mix of cream made from 75 percent human breast milk and 25 percent cream from old Bossy the cow, herself.
The taste of human breast milk varies enormously, based on how long a woman has been lactating and her diet in general. Its viscosity is more watery than cow’s milk and it’s sweeter. Each serving of Baby Gaga sells for around $22 U.S.! Milking mothers get $1.61 U.S. for each fluid ounce of milk, and in this economy – hey, some milk makers can put out 20 oz of milk every three hours so that comes out to a cool $64,824 a year job! That is some real milk money!
One night, two scoops in Paris – have you seen the video? That’s not “hot” at all!
But wait Paris – hold your tongue! Lada Gaga is being a party pooper and her lawyers are now suing over name infringements. The singer’s lawyers are accusing Icecreamists owner Matt O’Connor of trying to promote his ice cream by linking it to her name, stating, “The references you are making to Lady Gaga are thus clearly deliberate and intended to take advantage of her reputation and good will. Associating the Lady Gaga mark with a food product which may be unsafe for human consumption (owing to the risk of it carrying such viruses as hepatitis) is also highly detrimental. (And, Lada Gaga is quite concerned over her reputation – isn’t that ironic?!)
The ice cream shop is known for its obscure specialty creamy confections, but this one is causing more concern for fear of the spread of the hepatitis virus. Ice cream maker O’Connor states that their first volunteer, Victoria Hiley, (whose 30 oz. of breast milk could help make 50 servings of Baby Gaga) was a registered blood donor and examined at a clinic prior to donating any milk. So they paid her $ 48 bucks, and made $1,100 bucks? Now that is worse than hepatitis – that is breast milk robbery – come on O’Connor let’s relook at that $1.61 number again! Is there a breast milk union?
I overheard Paris Hilton asking Jessica Simpson the other day , “could Alena Gerberwearing make us some hot German Chocolate milk?” Paris does have a thing for ice cream and guys that can’t do 4th grade math, which actually works out pretty well.
Protein of the Stallion Ice Cream??
The latest crazy candidate for a food fad may prove to be quite a mouthful. In New Zealand, they are drinking horse semen, a purported “delicacy.” Festival organizers say,
“It is the protein of the stallion.” They drink shots, which sell for $10, and they are being pitched as being “healthy energy boosters.” ”You often hear from a female perspective that semen has an awful alkaline taste, so we thought we’d better make it more user friendly and add cherry or licorice flavoring,” explained horse trainer, Lindsay Kerslake, whose stallions supply the shots. Licorice? They say licorice lowers cholesterol and helps reduce body fat – so maybe they are on to something?
Let’s hope this isn’t the next flavor of the day in the ice cream world, I’ll take Lipitor and do P90X instead.
Time to eat cake, I might be off the ice cream for awhile,