How about them apples!
Two apples a day may keep the doctor away, but has no effect on perverts – so healthy girls be careful out there!
Nutrition scientists report that two apples a day can help reduce cholesterol by 10%. Since I have high cholesterol, maybe I should form a new apple solution to improve my cardiovascular health. Since my total cholesterol is around 249, and I eat about 4 apples per day, it would lower that number by 20% to 200, and that would be fine! No Lipitor, Crestor, or other prescription medication needed?! Now I am really thinking here.. Since it takes 10 apples to make an apple pie and i need 4 apples a day, maybe I could just eat 4/10 of a pie a day? I hear McDonalds has a new apple pie these days Hmm. (And, since apple pie is President Obamas’ and Michelles’ favorite food, it will likely be endorsed by the Administration!) Of course, in NYC, Bloomberg will only allow the small size pie to be sold!
Instead of plain apple pie, if I added this to my new Ben & Jerry’s health plan I might be able to get my cholesterol down to 155! ;) (Sometimes I just hope people know I am just kidding around)
Michael Moore & Rosie O’Donnell (am I the only one that see’s the resemblence?)
But alas, we health-concious, wholesome, nutrient seeking, organic, earthy people have a big bad bug problem. We are being overrun by maggots (on TV and in the orchards) in this country and they too must have cholesterol issues because they are infesting the crops and ruining the flesh of apples. Since the growing regions have had such a warm spring (global warming obviously – not!) it has brought an unwelcome surprise to apple growers – the early emergence of maggot flies. Growers are accustomed to dealing with Codling moth, the main pest of apples, but the apple maggots are more difficult to control because the female fly lays her eggs beneath the skin of developing fruit instead of on the surface, which puts them out of reach of insecticides. The developing larvae – small, cream-colored ‘maggots’ without an obvious head or legs – feed inside the fruit and their damage may not be visible until the apple is cut open. So it is a nasty surprise at harvest time. With all the current food producing restictions, and consumers prefering organic methods of growing fruits, it is a huge fight to kill fruit pests and protect against diseases in the diminished or non-use of pesticide era anyway. We have to be careful not to “organic ourselves” into starvation or malnutrition! The main thing to do is wash your fruits and vegetables before eating them and you should be just fine, unless there are pests lurking below the surface, and then my friend – it is either crunch away or throw it away.
One man’s pest is another man’s food fest, but a Crunchy McMaggot Flurry’?
I don’t think I will be buying any of those. But there probably is a market for it somewhere. Heck, in Germany there is a place where you can find them on the menu. Dishes at Espitas in Dresden include maggot ice cream, maggot salads and maggot cocktails. The restaurant is importing the “nutritious and extremely tasty” maggots from Mexico. Now here is their marketing slogan, Frische Mexikanische Maden – Holen Sie sich Ihre Eis Hier! ”Fresh Mexican Maggots – Get your Ice Cream Here!” People are weird, and apparently bored.
FIG NEWTON Freak
Kendra Wilkinson Former Playboy Playmate of Hugh Hefner likes Fig Newtons but does she know what she is putting in her mouth these days? (I wonder if her mouth is hanging open after finding out Hef is back with his runaway bride girlfriend?) One thing for sure is that her show “Kendra on top” is inversely correlated with talent, class, or a compelling story line. Ken-Duh isn’t the brightest bulb on the planet, and even if she could understand the word, “entomologist” she would probably think she should schedule an appointment for a Pap and Pelvic Exam again. But, I hear she does like Fig Newtons and that is why she is here for your viewing, but not listening pleasure.
Crystal Harris on Hugh Hefner – “I is his number 1 girl again” What does that mean? It reminds me of the life cycle of the maggot in a way…I think Crystal is full of number 2 actually. Back to the bugs, not what bugs me…
What is that Crunch in Your Fig Newton? Dead Parts?
In the wild, the mutualistic relationship between figs and the fig wasps that pollinate them leads to figs full of tiny, tiny dead wasps. Cultivated figs are a different story. Most fig varieties grown in the U.S. ( mission figs, kadota figs) do not require pollination for the figs to ripen, and thus contain no wasp parts at all. Ok, at worst your fig newton might contain the completely dissolved remains of one or two tiny wasps. That’s all. So Kendra, and all you fig newton lovers, the next time you get a little piece of your fig newton caught in your teeth, now you know the “rest of the story!”
Is that a bug in your teeth? Oh, no Kendra, another big word coming!
You are what you eat!
That explains Lady Gaga, she must be eating bugs. But, that is for another blog…
Time to bug out,
Dr. Darrin Frye, MD