Who’s Got the Longest Licker?

This Rare Tennessee Ding Bat Has a Very  Long Tongue

19 year old teen sensation Miley Cyrus enjoys flaunting and shocking others with her newly engaged body.  Whether her breasts are falling out of a tight little dress, or she is butt-cheeking out in tiny white daisy dukes, the one think you will always see sticking out is her lengthy tongue!  Rumor is fiance Liam Hemsworth’s has the cleanest ears in Hollywood.  Even so Miley has a three inch tongue, she doesn’t have a lick of taste apparently.  Her new short haircut looks like a dew don’t, and by the way, anytime Charlie Sheen gives you the thumbs up, you’re probably on the wrong track. No, she doesn’t have the longest licker in relationship to her body.

Nashville Redneck to Spotted Longneck

You might think this animal would be the winner, but you would be wrong!  Most everyone knows that these long neck animals have huge lickers.  Even though giraffes have big bodies and a very long tongue measuring almost 20 inches, they don’t have have the largest one in the kingdom relative to their body size.  Most think giraffes are lucky and really pretty cute – but they don’t have anything on the next contestant.

Ashley Simpson She doesn’t have the biggest tongue, but maybe the cutest one!  Too bad it was “bittersweet world” for Mr. Fall Out Boy Wentz when she dumped him last year.  At least Ashlee got a cute little licker named Bronx who is an amazing kid and her real live boy toy to keep on kissing on.  Well, neither Ashlee or Bronx has the longest tongue per body size, so let’s keep rocking on. Is having a long tongue an evolutionary advantage – well maybe in Hollywood!??!

Don’t KISS and tell!

Nope, Gene Simmons has a long list of crazy tales, and a hell of a long tongue which made him the most millions per lick of any of the creatures listed so far, but  he doesn’t not have the longest tongue in the jungle when compared to ego or body size. He is touring again with Motley Crue  now- oh my!  They should name this Tour, the One Lick Too Far Tour, or perhaps the “Three Second Rule Does Apply Tour” !  I guess there are some dumb lickers still out there thinking, Charlie’s Sheen was great, why not go see Grandpa Gene “sing”??

And The Real Winner of the Longest Tongue Award Goes To:

Not a Ding Bat, or an Old Bat, but an Ecuadorian Long-tongued Bat Takes the Prize!

The elusive Andean bat may not be all that sexy but it has a 3½-inch tongue, which is one and a half times as long as its body!  This flying machine is only 2 inches long!  People would need tongues about nine feet long to match the bat’s proportions. The bat keeps its tongue stuffed down its throat, doubled up in its esophagus.  Not only is this one long licker, it is also very efficient.   The hairs on the end of the tongue stick straight out right before the tongue retracts, maximizing surface area and allows the bat to mop up as much nectar as possible per slurp.  So the real star of the animal kingdom is not Miley, Ashlee, Gene or the Giraffe, but a little bat from South America!

Hey Little Bat, Not so Fast…..

Hmm, maybe it’s not the Length but the Width that matters?

Say AHHHHH!  The widest tongue in the world belongs to Jay Sloot and measures 7.9 cm (3.1 in)!

She Zhen In ancient times, people could draw information about their internal health from the surface of the tongue.   The heart and liver are reflected in the front part of the tongue. The middle part of the tongue shows the state of the stomach. The root of the tongue is responsible for the state of the lower part of the bowels. The sides reflect the state of the liver and kidneys.  There is an iphone app that snaps a picture of your tongue and gives you some advice on what your body is working on!  An apple a day really may keep the doctor away!!

My guess is Jay has a lot of cramping in his liver and gallbladder as he trys to fit that fat tongue in his mouth!  Interesting that your heart is located right at the tip of your tongue!  Wow, I have heard of leading with your heart, but this is ridiculous!  Well, I think it is interesting that there are no reproductive organs represented on the tongue at all, and that comes as quite a shock since so much sex appeal, sex talk, and sexual innuendo is connected with tongues.  So for you goofballs out there trying to reach your girlfriends’ kidney’s, bladder, and intestines when you kiss her goodnight, maybe rethink your angle.

Time for some Ice Cream,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD

SPACE PROBE 2012

The search for life inside the rectal vault of man

The prostate gland is a walnut-sized organ tucked away where the sun don’t shine, and although it often needs medical screening, it doesn’t always get it.

Virtual Robotic Fingers can go where no man has dared to go (outside of west Hollywood anyway)

About 1 in 6 U.S. men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer at some point in their life. About 6 in 6 men dreaded going to their doctor every year to get their rectum probed. Sad part, in the U.S., about 217,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year, and 32,000 die.

Go Deep or Go Home

While most would think that when their annual rectal exam is “normal”  it would be very reassuring, but the DRE (digital rectal exam) is not designed to detect early cancers.  The space probe of the rear-end kind mainly reveals just the size and shape of the prostate gland.  Remember, tumors have to be very advanced before they can be felt, so there is a big push to find better ways to detect and treat prostate cancers and treat them when they are small.

Deliverance

The thought of going for a prostate exam can drive most men to drink.  Dropping their pants and bending over is the last thing most men want to ever do, as it can be embarrassing, and uncomfortable.  Actually, it is a lot like what we see when men come in for blood draws.  They get all worked up ahead of time, and once the blood is taken they say, “wow, that was nothing!”  The reality is that all men must get their prostates checked routinely, and although it is more than nothing, doesn’t cause banjo nightmares throughout the rest of your life.

“Try to get a boner now”

No gain, just pain

So, what is the better way to see if you have prostate cancer?  We have used the Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) test, which is a blood test to see if there are signs that cells are starting to become malignant.  While it is good www.beacheslab.com, high levels of PSA only sometimes signals prostate cancer.  It can also indicate an infection or an enlarged prostate (BPH), or tiny tumors that may never pose a threat.   Also, if you have had sex in the past 24 – 48 hours that can also raise your levels, so I always warn my guys not to have crazy sex before the blood test day.  Bad thing is, if the PSA is high we often recommend a biopsy, where we cut small pieces out of your prostate and send it to the lab.  Most men who undergo a biopsy for an abnormal PSA test don’t have prostate cancer, so pain, but no gain!

New Test for prostate CA!

Pee PCA3

Science has brought us a new (and expensive) test for prostate cancer (CaP), the urinary PCA3 gene test. Remember, serum PSA levels are not specific for CaP but this new marker has a much greater degree of CaP specificity than PSA testing.  Perhaps we can cut out all that cutting out of prostate biopsies (1 million per year in US). But, the way you have to get the sample…you have to do a Attentive Rectal Exam and then have the patient urinate.  That means you put your finger in as far as possible and you mash down hard on the prostate over and over to get the cells to loosen up to be peed out.

Attentive Rectal Exam = Prostate Milking = Means smashing the ole walnut with the gloved finger!

Rove you Rong Time Sailor

Working girls – should be able to bill Medicare for Happy Rear Endings!

These Asian girls have been doing prostate milking for years, and who knew they could have been screening the Johns for prostate cancer.  Their medical exam (sex massage) begins with a thorough soaping down in a large tub.  After that, there’s a romp on the bed to last about an hour and half and for some they pay for a happy ending which could include prostate massage (milking) with yikes, non-gloved finger(s)!  Some feel that emptying the prostate is therapeutic and reduces the risk of cancer in it’s own right.  The jury is still out on that one.  Price is between 1,000 and 1,600 baht ($32-52.00) plus tips.  Turns out this is the same amount Medicare pays us doctors for doing the DRE!

Aneros Helix Prostate Stimulator $47.38

For those who have to do it outside the doctors office..The prostate dildo,  referred to as the Rain Maker,  can be used to stimulate the prostate gland in men.  Some say the prostate gland could be the ‘male G-spot’ and is stimulated for either medical or sexual purpose, or I guess both.  Some have renamed the sensitive area the “P-spot.”  So, if you wanted, you could do the attentive Aneros Helix, then pee in a cup, and send it to my lab, www.beacheslab.com, and we can find out what it says.  And for those who want to be tested every week – buy a banjo and move to West Virginia.

On a serious note – Prostate Cancer is horrible and can be deadly.

Earl Woods

Tiger Woods’ father was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1998 and successfully treated with radiation, but the cancer returned more aggressively in 2004. Mr. Woods died on May 3, 2006 at the age of 74.  Even though Tiger is doing well of late with work, and perhaps with Elin, each day without his papa has got to be a sad one.  Unfortunately, black men have a much higher rate of prostate cancer, so it is important to get routine physicals and labwork, especially if you are undergoing hormone replacement therapy (HRT) with testosterones or human growth hormone.  For one of the best centers you may consider www.pbpmed.com. I am a big fan of Tiger’s and hope nothing but the best for him and his family.

Time to Re Glove,

Dr. Darrin Frye

KICK ZIPPY TO THE CURB AND FORGET HIM

Prescription for Peace and Quiet

Can you imagine that one day you could just take a little pill and forget all about someone who has done you wrong?  Like taking a Tylenol after one too many drinks – poof!  and all is well?  The real morning after pill!  Grudges and revenge be damned – amnesia is the new answer!  That is what might be on the horizon as researchers are working on a drug called PKM.

So far, researchers haven’t figured out exactly how the brain works, especially the female brain.  The diagram above shows a summary of what they have found so far. Apparently phone skill center is enlarging (thanks iphone 4s), encroaching on the commitment need center so more women are committed to their cell phone than a man.  I have heard women say, “heck, it vibrates” why do I need a man?  I don’t think this brain diagram is right actually, because women’s memory center has to be huge – they never forget when men do something wrong, and I don’t see memory center listed anywhere.  Where is memory stored anyway?  We know the pathways that the brain uses to store and retrieve memories, but which cells contain the thought?  We lose cells every day, yet we retain our long term memory….hmm?

You can forget the walk of shame!

New Option!  Stay overnight, maybe even have crazy (safe) sex, then walk home the next morning in the clothes you wore out the night before, and then take a pill and forget it ever happened!  The walk of shame will be no more!  We don’t know it all about memory storage, but neuroscientists reports that injecting a drug that blocks an enzyme called protein kinase Mzeta (PKMzeta) into the cerebral cortex of rats makes the animals forget a meal that made them sick weeks earlier. I think some restaurants may want to put this pill on their dessert menus.  I have eaten some forgettable meals – that’s for sure, and if you have ever gotten food poisoning – it is hard to ever eat that food again…escargot – never again for  me. And for those who wonder about the rat/human thing, remember many men are very similar to rats and so the data can be extrapolated with confidence.

Pretty Pedal Power

Have you heard the expression, “it’s just like riding a bike” implying that even if you kind of forgot how to do something, it will come right back?  Well, researchers have  identified a key nerve cell in the brain that controls the formation of memories for motor skills such as riding a bicycle, skiing or eating with chop sticks.  They found these molecular layer interneurons that transform the electrical signals into a language that can be laid down as a memory in other parts of the brain.  I wonder if PKM will make people forget how to do things?  That might not be good.

Freak Warning – Another Date Rape Drug?

Could be dangerous!

Can you imagine how the date rape drug perverts might use a drug that erases memory permanently like PKM?  It is horrifying to hear stories of the drug called Rohypnol (Roofie) which causes 8 – 12 hours of total amnesia, and women and men waking up not knowing what happened to them. It is really important not to accept drinks from others, or leave your drink unattended for even a second, for there are predators out there looking to take advantage.  Also, girls stick together and don’t let a stranger who offers to take one of your friends home who is way too drunk for how much they consumed, leave with them.  This pill is 10 times stronger than valium, so 20 minutes after they take it they are really woozy.  It combines with the alchohol and really causes loss of coordination, and ability to know what is happening.

Time for Selective Forgetting,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD

TimeMasterMD

In the land of Milk and Honey  (or Los Angeles)- all is not sweet!

Everyone seems to be excited and talking about milk and honey shoes, but health conscious folks are concerned more about hormones and pollutants showing up in the milk supply rather than if  custom wedding shoes match the theme of the event.  Not only are contaminants scary to think about -frankly, cow’s milk isn’t even a properly balanced food .  Trying to sweeten the pot with honey? – well that might not be the answer either.  Read on to find out why.

Milk is not just cold white goodness. The milk of every animal is unique and specifically tailored to the requirements of that species. For example, cows’ milk has more protein in it than human milk does. Three to four times as much, and has five to seven times the mineral content. Minerals are important – check out www.ivitaminscience.com if you want to read about that.  However, cow’s milk is markedly deficient in essential fatty acids when compared to human milk. Mothers’ milk has six to ten times as much of the essential fatty acids, especially linoleic acid. (Incidentally, skimmed cow’s milk has no linoleic acid). We need these essential fatty acids to keep our waistlines tight, our muscles strong, and our circulation and energy healthy.

What’s all that powder on your nose (LA reference)- I mean feet, little bees?

In honey, Palmitic and oleic acids were respectively found in relative good concentrations, but only small amounts of lauric, stearic, and linoleic acids.  So if you are trying to get your essential fatty acids by adding honey to milk, you probably aren’t going to get much accomplished except satisfying your sweet tooth, and causing frequent trips to the bathroom for that lactose insufficiency problem.

OOh Baby Baby

It is a good idea to keep species specific nutrition in mind when it comes to feeding our children milk.  We must always try to breast feed if possible because of the proper ratios of protein, and nutrients – including fatty acids.  Plus it is a great bonding experience, and sets children off on the right foot, keeping them from getting infections and making them grow fast!

Got Milk and Mischief?

We should be careful what we are feeding our babies, or even adults who act like babies!  Lindsay Lohan has got milk, and also a pissed off judge to deal with.  We may need to keep an eye on her.  Now for the rest of us adults – let’s skip the cow’s milk, and all the drama, and bring on the BEEF!  I know all those cattle are out there mooing saying, “please eat more chicken” and “go vegetarian!”

Carnivore Cathy

Time for some milk, pollen and cookies, (and a lactaid) ,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD  (the timemastermd)

We Need To Put The Squeeze on Cancer

Currently, one in 4 deaths in the United States is due to cancer. A total of 1,596,670 new cancer cases and 571,950 deaths from cancer are projected to occur in the United States in 2011!  While there seems to be some progress being made in diagnosis and genetic predictions, mortality rates remain remarkably resistant to our progress so far.  Scientists are really working hard to see how cancer cells seem to outwit us so easily, and they have just found a guy named JAK that is causing problems.

SEXY SQUISH

Zlata, 24 years old, is considered among the most extreme contortionists in the world, and may provide us with a visual demonstration on how cancer moves in our bodies.  Recently, scientists have discovered how cancer cells are able to squeeze between small spaces to spread throughout the body, thus avoiding our natural defense systems.

IT’S A TUMOR!

It turns out that a protein called JAK, is the key, and this gives cancer cells the ability to contract like a muscle and squeeze out of the tumor and move to other parts of the body.  When switched on, JAK makes cancer cells like Zleta, and they can morph like minature super bad heros and get through cracks and crevices (unlike this NY Rat below!)  We need to turn JAK off!

RAT ON (IN) CRACK IN NYC

With some types of cancers, like melanoma or other skin cancers, the cells move in two ways: by “elbowing” their way through the matrix, or by going through tunnels in the tumor formed by healthy cells.  This is why you have to continually look for early changes in your body, so cancers can be detected early, way before JAK wakes up.

CANCER BUSTING

Scientists are looking at ways to block cancer from being able to read the secret code to metastisize, and are able to turn off gene expression just by stretching the DNA!  By pulling the code longer, it no longer is readable to the cancer.  That is very exciting news indeed.  The problem is that there are other systems that need to read the code to get their job done.  How to selectively block cancer without killing the body is the hard part.  It looks like advanced vitamin and mineral supplementation also may make this process easier as well – check out www.ivitaminscience.com if you want to read more about that.

While some are blocking the code alphabet, other scientists have found a gene called WWP2  that when turned off keeps cancer cells dormant.  Problem is, what happens to the rest of the system when we poison WWP2 – do we get WW2?  Is it just me, or do these pink cancer cells look like the a Victoria Secret bra that Zleta seems to have lost while getting in the glass jar?

Time to continue fighting the BIG C (please do your part and stop smoking), I can’t fix these lips with Juvederm!

Dr. Darrin Frye

Eating Shrooms May Shrink your Prostate Men!

A good piece of tail has always been a man favorite.

Not that kind of tail!  I am talking about the turkey tail Asian mushroom that has been found to be 100 per cent effective in shrinking a tumor of the prostate in an Aussie mouse.  This is really exciting news,  if it works on those animals without a tail!  So eating mushrooms may just be what keeps you having sex in the future, and could save your behind!

Polysaccharopeptide (PSP) from the ‘turkey tail’ mushroom targets prostate cancer stem cells and suppresses tumor formation.  Eat yourself to life, instead of eating yourself to death!  These mushrooms may save a man’s life, at the minimum a very nasty surgery!  If you want to see the status of your prostate it is a good idea to get a Prostate Exam and a lab test called the Prostate Specific Antigen or PSA.  This number will give us an idea of whether some of the cells of the prostate are enlarging ( BPH or benign prostate hypertrophy) , or turning into cancerous ones.  Go to www.beacheslab.com if you want to get tested or know more information.

Turkey Tails are beautiful fungus, and can have a huge impact on the quality of sex lives of millions of men.  I wonder how they taste in gravy, covering a salisbury steak?  Studies say it may be hard to eat enough mushrooms to get the amount of PSP you need to fight tumors.  Well, I say, let’s get a fork and get to it!

What is new to us isn’t news to the Asian Doctors!  I read that it costs about 40 cents to see a Chinese doctor in China and that seems rather cheap until I heard that they pay them a salary of 8 cents an hour!   Maybe we need to teach them marketing, and they teach us natural medicine?

These medicinal mushrooms have been used for over 6000 years, and is an important part of many of their traditional treatments for all kinds of ailments.  Maybe we need to stop trying to reinvent the mushroom and start worshipping the turkey fungus!

Time to eat myself healthy,

Dr. Frye

Men, You’re on the Penis Clock

Women say, “the actual vaginal penetration should last for 7 to 20 minutes” but that is after 20 minutes to an hour of foreplay!  Normal men last around 7 minutes, and when asked about foreplay said, “we can just skip that really.”

Minute Man

While women do like intercourse to last longer than most men do, it depends on whether the sex is enjoyable or painful.  Some men however suffer their own mental pain, and those are the guys who worry about climaxing too fast.  According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine premature ejaculation is characterized by:  Ejaculation that always or nearly always occurs within one minute or less of vaginal penetration or immediate ejaculation upon entering the vagina!

Caveman Sex – When did this idea of premature ejaculation come from?

From an evolutionary point of view, it’s probable that males who climaxed quickly were more likely to have children. In other words, if you were a caveman who came very fast, you’d stand more chance of impregnating your woman and enlarging your tribe.

Penis Marathon Training Aids – Don’t be a sprinter!

Premature ejaculation has been linked to magnesium deficiency.  Magnesium is really that good.  It’s an essential mineral, and there’s up to an 80% chance you’re not getting enough of it. Magnesium supplements can therefore help treat premature ejaculation, and maybe even combats Erectile Dysfunction (ED), and low libido too.  For those who want the best vitamins try www.ivitaminscience.com’s Evolution Product!

Numb Penis

There are metered topical anesthetic sprays containing Lidocaine as its active ingredient. Applying a small amount to the head and shaft of the penis 10-20 minutes before intercourse can make a significant qualitative difference in your life.  You can’t feel anything, but you last for a long time!

Antidepressants and PE

It is rather common to attribute Premature Ejaculation to depression and anxiety, but most likely the PE exacerbates these conditions rather than being the root cause.  Anyway, a lot of my patients find that taking an antidepressant medication really does help if they suffer from severe premature ejaculation.

Time to go for the big 20,

Dr. Frye

Old Yeller’s Sniffing the Feller

A study shows that dogs can be trained to detect Prostate Cancer by smelling urine! Prostate Cancer gives an odor quite distinct from other bodily perfumes, which is pretty cool.  Rumor is the White House Press Corp are training the dogs based on their expertise in having their noses in President Obama’s backside these past two years.

Royal Arse News – Pippa Mania

Before the Royal Wedding took place, Palace security had bomb sniffing dogs everywhere making sure things were safe.  During the ceremony there was some commotion and apparently it took three “Bobby’s” to get one of the dogs away from Pippa’s backside. Apparently the powder sniffing dog had been cross-trained to smell for heavy metals too, and since Pippa turned out to be a bombshell with a backside that is a gold mine – that confused the dog. No worries, all is well now.

Blood tests are the current method to detect prostate cancer

Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) blood tests are able to detect prostate cancer, but they don’t fully reveal how dangerous the cancer is. It would be great to have a non-painful way of checking men out so that is why this is such a big deal.

Royal Gift for the Queen that didn’t make the final cut

This is a Prostate Examination Simulator for digital examination of the prostate. No, you perverts, this isn’t a sex toy.   This professional simulator closely duplicates the tactile qualities of clinical prostate examination. The simulator duplicates a lower torso and has been developed from an actual male specimen – rumor it was maybe “Camila Parker Bowels” who sat for the molding?

EEEOuch!  The prostate, a gland found in the male of all animal species, functions as a storehouse of seminal fluid that acts as gravy for sperms when they begin their onward journey.  If cancer is found in the prostate, and has progressed, the whole gland  has to be removed and this can lead to nerve issues, and erectile problems (ED).

Physical Exams are also important along with the blood test

So, Men don’t fear the finger or the cold nose!

We men, should always get a DRE (Digital Rectal Exam) when we have our yearly physical, it really can save lives if the tumor is found early.  Most of the time, we can just get an idea on the size of the prostate which is not the same as cancer.  We call that benign prostate hypertrophy (BPH) and that can be treated with medications or supplements like saw palmetto. Once we reach 50, we should have a colonoscopy where a video camera goes way past where the finger stops.

Time to go forward fearlessly,

Dr. Frye

Pain in the Butt

Poop Dermatitis Linked to Fashionable Toilet Seats, Harsh Chemicals!

Jessica Alba – wedgy in edgy

Toilet seat dermatitis is one of those legendary conditions described in medical textbooks and seen in underdeveloped countries, but now we are seeing it in the most exclusive backsides in the States.  Jessica, watch where you sit, you might get a poop rash!

One of culprits responsible for the butt condition are harsh cleaning chemicals and exotic wooden toilet seats — making a comeback as bathroom décor — especially seats covered with varnishes and paints.  You can get a rash on your butt just looking at this picture!  (Is that a cupholder?) 

Most butt rash cases are fairly benign and easy to treat with topical steroids, but inflammation can persist and spread further, causing painful and itchy skin eruptions. Persistently irritated skin is vulnerable to bacteria and may lead to more serious infections requiring oral antibiotics.  My advice to women – HOVER!

To prevent toilet-seat dermatitis Kelsey Grammer is rubbing lotion all over Kayte Walsh’s British bottom.   Recommend you eat a dry cracker before looking at this couple, to reduce the nausea.  You don’t ever want to catch the British butt rash, it is much worse than normal rashes, as it can make arse’s a wee bit  large and saggy. 

Recommendations for a clean, fresh, rash free bottom:

Use  paper toilet seat covers in public restrooms, including hospital and school restrooms.  Replace wooden toilet seats with plastic ones – but only if it is your bathroom!  Clean toilet seats and bowls daily.   Avoiding harsh store-brand cleaners, which often contain skin irritants like phenol or formaldehyde.  Oh, and women, HOVER – it is a good workout for the thighs anyway.

Stay tuned next week for Puke Rash found on chins and arms of alcoholics who pray to the porcelain god.

Time to leave the seat up,

Dr. Frye

All it takes for great sex is for her to think she is going to have great sex!

Texas researchers  studied 200 women ages 35 – 55 over a 12-week period. Fifty of those women, were given a placebo (sugar pill)  instead of a drug treatment for low sexual arousal.

One third of the women who took a placebo showed an overall improvement!  The other 2/3 need to come over to the medical clinic and get their hormones looked at:  www.pbpmed.com.

Scientists are now using brain scanners to peer into the heads of patients who respond to sugar pills, and have discovered that the placebo effect is not “all in patients’ heads” but rather, in their brains.

New research shows that belief in a dummy treatment leads to changes in brain chemistry.  Thoughts control actions – being a hypnotist, I have known that to be the case for years!

Speaking of dummy treatments… I believe a placebo has no chance working with Jessica Simpson.

She was recently out shopping at Nike Town and had one of her classic blonde moments.. “Jessica asked the sales associate helping her where the Adidas sweat pants were,” a witness says.

I think it is time to go, therefore it is,

Dr. Frye