Who’s Got the Longest Licker?

This Rare Tennessee Ding Bat Has a Very  Long Tongue

19 year old teen sensation Miley Cyrus enjoys flaunting and shocking others with her newly engaged body.  Whether her breasts are falling out of a tight little dress, or she is butt-cheeking out in tiny white daisy dukes, the one think you will always see sticking out is her lengthy tongue!  Rumor is fiance Liam Hemsworth’s has the cleanest ears in Hollywood.  Even so Miley has a three inch tongue, she doesn’t have a lick of taste apparently.  Her new short haircut looks like a dew don’t, and by the way, anytime Charlie Sheen gives you the thumbs up, you’re probably on the wrong track. No, she doesn’t have the longest licker in relationship to her body.

Nashville Redneck to Spotted Longneck

You might think this animal would be the winner, but you would be wrong!  Most everyone knows that these long neck animals have huge lickers.  Even though giraffes have big bodies and a very long tongue measuring almost 20 inches, they don’t have have the largest one in the kingdom relative to their body size.  Most think giraffes are lucky and really pretty cute – but they don’t have anything on the next contestant.

Ashley Simpson She doesn’t have the biggest tongue, but maybe the cutest one!  Too bad it was “bittersweet world” for Mr. Fall Out Boy Wentz when she dumped him last year.  At least Ashlee got a cute little licker named Bronx who is an amazing kid and her real live boy toy to keep on kissing on.  Well, neither Ashlee or Bronx has the longest tongue per body size, so let’s keep rocking on. Is having a long tongue an evolutionary advantage – well maybe in Hollywood!??!

Don’t KISS and tell!

Nope, Gene Simmons has a long list of crazy tales, and a hell of a long tongue which made him the most millions per lick of any of the creatures listed so far, but  he doesn’t not have the longest tongue in the jungle when compared to ego or body size. He is touring again with Motley Crue  now- oh my!  They should name this Tour, the One Lick Too Far Tour, or perhaps the “Three Second Rule Does Apply Tour” !  I guess there are some dumb lickers still out there thinking, Charlie’s Sheen was great, why not go see Grandpa Gene “sing”??

And The Real Winner of the Longest Tongue Award Goes To:

Not a Ding Bat, or an Old Bat, but an Ecuadorian Long-tongued Bat Takes the Prize!

The elusive Andean bat may not be all that sexy but it has a 3½-inch tongue, which is one and a half times as long as its body!  This flying machine is only 2 inches long!  People would need tongues about nine feet long to match the bat’s proportions. The bat keeps its tongue stuffed down its throat, doubled up in its esophagus.  Not only is this one long licker, it is also very efficient.   The hairs on the end of the tongue stick straight out right before the tongue retracts, maximizing surface area and allows the bat to mop up as much nectar as possible per slurp.  So the real star of the animal kingdom is not Miley, Ashlee, Gene or the Giraffe, but a little bat from South America!

Hey Little Bat, Not so Fast…..

Hmm, maybe it’s not the Length but the Width that matters?

Say AHHHHH!  The widest tongue in the world belongs to Jay Sloot and measures 7.9 cm (3.1 in)!

She Zhen In ancient times, people could draw information about their internal health from the surface of the tongue.   The heart and liver are reflected in the front part of the tongue. The middle part of the tongue shows the state of the stomach. The root of the tongue is responsible for the state of the lower part of the bowels. The sides reflect the state of the liver and kidneys.  There is an iphone app that snaps a picture of your tongue and gives you some advice on what your body is working on!  An apple a day really may keep the doctor away!!

My guess is Jay has a lot of cramping in his liver and gallbladder as he trys to fit that fat tongue in his mouth!  Interesting that your heart is located right at the tip of your tongue!  Wow, I have heard of leading with your heart, but this is ridiculous!  Well, I think it is interesting that there are no reproductive organs represented on the tongue at all, and that comes as quite a shock since so much sex appeal, sex talk, and sexual innuendo is connected with tongues.  So for you goofballs out there trying to reach your girlfriends’ kidney’s, bladder, and intestines when you kiss her goodnight, maybe rethink your angle.

Time for some Ice Cream,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD

How about them apples!

Two apples a day may keep the doctor away, but has no effect on perverts – so healthy girls be careful out there!

Nutrition scientists report that two apples a day can help reduce cholesterol by 10%.   Since I have high cholesterol, maybe I should form a new apple solution to improve my cardiovascular health.  Since my total cholesterol is around 249,   and I eat about 4 apples per day, it would lower that number by 20% to 200, and that would be fine! No Lipitor, Crestor, or other prescription medication needed?!   Now I am really thinking here.. Since it takes 10 apples to make an apple pie and i need 4 apples a day, maybe I could just eat 4/10 of a pie a day?  I hear McDonalds has a new apple pie these days  Hmm.  (And, since apple pie is President Obamas’ and Michelles’ favorite food, it will likely be endorsed by the Administration!)  Of course, in NYC, Bloomberg will only allow the small size pie to be sold!

Instead of plain apple pie, if I added this to my new Ben & Jerry’s health plan I might be able to get my cholesterol down to 155!  ;)  (Sometimes I just hope people know I am just kidding around)

Maggot(s)

Michael Moore  & Rosie O’Donnell (am I the only one that see’s the resemblence?)

But alas, we health-concious, wholesome, nutrient seeking, organic, earthy people have a big bad bug problem.   We are being overrun by maggots (on TV and in the orchards)  in this country and they too must have cholesterol issues because they are infesting the crops and ruining the flesh of  apples.  Since the growing regions have had such a warm spring (global warming obviously – not!)  it has brought an unwelcome surprise to  apple growers – the early emergence of  maggot flies. Growers are accustomed to dealing with Codling moth, the main pest of apples, but the apple maggots are more difficult to control because the female fly lays her eggs beneath the skin of developing fruit instead of on the surface, which puts them out of reach of insecticides. The developing larvae – small, cream-colored ‘maggots’ without an obvious head or legs – feed inside the fruit and their damage may not be visible until the apple is cut open.  So it is a nasty surprise at harvest time. With all the current food producing restictions, and consumers  prefering organic methods of growing fruits, it is a huge fight to kill  fruit pests and protect against diseases in the diminished or non-use of pesticide era anyway.  We have to be careful not to “organic ourselves” into starvation or malnutrition!  The main thing to do is wash your fruits and vegetables before eating them and you should be just fine, unless there are pests lurking below the surface, and then my friend – it is either crunch away or throw it away.

One man’s pest is another man’s food fest, but a Crunchy McMaggot Flurry’?

I don’t think I will be buying any of those.  But there probably is a market for it somewhere.  Heck, in Germany there is a place where you can find them on the menu.  Dishes at Espitas in Dresden include maggot ice cream, maggot salads and maggot cocktails. The restaurant is importing the “nutritious and extremely tasty” maggots from Mexico.  Now here is their marketing slogan, Frische Mexikanische Maden – Holen Sie sich Ihre Eis Hier!  ”Fresh Mexican Maggots – Get your Ice Cream Here!”  People are weird, and apparently bored.

FIG NEWTON Freak

Kendra Wilkinson Former Playboy Playmate of Hugh Hefner likes Fig Newtons but does she know what she is putting in her mouth these days?  (I wonder if her mouth is hanging open after finding out Hef is back with his runaway bride girlfriend?)  One thing for sure is that her show “Kendra on top” is inversely correlated with talent, class, or a compelling story line.  Ken-Duh  isn’t the brightest bulb on the planet, and even if she could understand the word, “entomologist” she would probably think she should schedule an appointment for a Pap and Pelvic Exam again. But, I hear she does like Fig Newtons and that is why she is here for your viewing, but not listening pleasure.

Crystal Harris on Hugh Hefner – “I is his number 1 girl again”   What does that mean?  It reminds me of the life cycle of the maggot in a way…I think Crystal is full of number 2 actually.  Back to the bugs, not what bugs me…

What is that Crunch in Your Fig Newton?  Dead Parts?

In the wild, the mutualistic relationship between figs and the fig wasps that pollinate them leads to figs full of tiny, tiny dead wasps. Cultivated figs are a different story. Most fig varieties grown in the U.S. ( mission figs, kadota figs) do not require pollination for the figs to ripen, and thus contain no wasp parts at all. Ok, at worst your fig newton might contain the completely dissolved remains of one or two tiny wasps.  That’s all.   So Kendra, and all you fig newton lovers, the next time you get a little piece of  your fig newton caught in your teeth, now you know the “rest of the story!”

Is that a bug in your teeth?  Oh, no Kendra, another big word coming!

You are what you eat!

That explains Lady Gaga, she must be eating bugs.  But, that is for another blog…

Time to bug out,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD

Smoke, and you may regret it!  I am not talking about lung cancer either..

If you are going to puff cigarettes, it might be a good idea to learn to smoke without fingers, and use your toes instead!  That’s because things can die and fall the hell off if you smoke!  You might perhaps learn to eat, hold a glass, dial a cell phone, and drive while you’re at it!  Kate Moss was hugely popular because of her skinny stick figure that made her a supermodel. However, Kate Moss is more remembered for her scandalous private life, party lifestyle, and high profile relationships.  She also became infamous when a newpaper published photos of her snorting several lines of white powder that was alleged to be cocaine.  Well, since she doesn’t have a lot of breast size to lose on top, and skinny skinny models are on the out,  she may want to think about healthier choices, at least to save her nipples! (and keep her heiny crotch out of jail, and keep a job).

Smoking does kill!  Things fall off when blood flow stops and healing cells fail.

The effect of smoking goes farther than just causing lung damage, it also causes white blood cell inhibition.  This is a serious issue because they are damn important!   Nicotine, and carbon monoxide inhaled from a cigarette can constrict the blood flow to various parts of the body. This disrupts the  healing process of a body part by stopping blood from reaching it.  So, a little puff seems innocent enough, but it can have huge consequences that are not good at all!  Now, nipples don’t just fall off.  I am talking about nipples and body parts that are injured in some fashion.

Megan Fox is smoking hot!

She is a beautiful girl, but a smoker unfortunately!  Rumor has it that she prefers pot to cigarettes which is even worse.  Somehow people that smoke marijuana don’t actually think they smoke, and don’t think it is bad, or illegal?  It has the  same effect, if not worse than cigarettes because THC, the main chemical component of marijuana, becomes absorbed by the white blood cells (again those darn white cells) in the body. The white blood cells are your body’s “fighter” cells that  assist in the healing process. So pot can make a lot of things other than nipples fall off, like brain power, class, common sense, and a career.  You see, once a surgeon moves a nipple higher on a reconstructed breast, it has to find blood to keep it alive, and also infection can cause it to fail to heal – this is important to those who are trying to look great and need their nipples to do so.  Heck, Megans’ nipples are probably insured by Lloyd’s of London, if not, they should be!

It would be a crying shame to think what might have happened if Farah Fawcett had smoked!  I think she did have breast enhancement surgery which turned out great!  We all would have gone through our teen years without her nipple poster that was in every boy’s room across America!  Clinical studies have consistently shown that individuals exposed to cigarette smoke – whether “first-” or “second-hand”– heal poorly and are more likely to develop scarring and associated diseases.  Farah had an amazing body, and died way too young at age 62 of anal cancer.

Other things could fall off too!

Cross your legs before reading: a man is suing his anesthesiologist in a Miami  after his penis had to be amputated following implant surgery. He was smoking and had diabetes, and this is a prescription for bad surgical results.  Because smoking turns off your infection fighting white blood cells, and high blood sugar is toxic to circulation machinery so cells can’t get to the site of infection – this person got a flesh-eating bacteria that ate his penis centimeter by centimeter! He has to sit down to urinate, he’ll never have any intimate relationships with anyone.  So, if you are going to have surgery of any kind, make sure you have quit smoking and have your body in a good position to recover.

She looks good in blue! Wish the paint would fall off though.

So do what Kate Upton does, and protect your nipples by not smoking!  Sports Illustrated decided to help her by giving her breasts a coat of protective paint only!  I think it was a great start, but everyone needs to kick butt and stop  smoking!

Smoking makes your looks fall off too.  There isn’t a beauty regime in the world strong enough to make up for the damage to skin due to cigarette smoking. Are you still smoking?  Really?

Time to kick the tar out of this cigarette infested country,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD

Small Ball?

His jersey says #17 (cm) but he should be wearing #11.. (I’ll do the math – 4 1/3 inches)

UPDATE CENTRAL:  LIN PICKS HIS REAL NUMBER IN TX (2013)

The former New York Knicks Basketball Superstar Jeremy Lin is sometimes big on the court, but unfortunately always small in the bedroom!  It may have been one of the reasons that the Knicks weren’t long for the playoff season!  The Heat were big men on campus in the series and it was sad that Lin couldn’t make it back into the lineup.  Without Bosh who was injured, the Miami Heat played small ball and crushed the tiny footprints of the NY Knicks!  So how can such a big sensation like Lin,  have such a small pen, you ask?

Lin (student) vs. LaBron James (instructor) 2012 NBA Playoffs

Let’s do a Lin-vestigation!

You would think a superstar on the hardwood would be able to make some serious hay in the bedroom, right?  Big hands, big feet right? It may not be the case at all, ladies when it comes to LinMan!  (I did read that there is a big demand for Asian looking gay men in the club scene because of Lin’s popularity – which is for another blog) There is still a lot of love in the Big Apple for the way this guard played when he was in, but he ended the season more like a Big Zero instead of a Big Hero. For a town that never sleeps, Jeremy Lin proved to cause a lot of ZZZ’s verses 3’s this playoff season.  Many unfazed women and male supporters don’t seem to mind if there’s nothing down there -if those rumors about lil Lin are accurate!

Is it in, Lin?

Jason Whitlock wrote it best, “Some lucky lady in NYC is gonna feel a couple inches of pain tonight”, a reference to Lin’s sexual prowess. Jason caught a lot of flack for that stereotypical joke, but it was kinda funny to read.  I know, stereotypical comments can hurt feelings and all, but holy cow, toughen up America!  Stupid jokes are not hate crimes or racism gone amuck, they are just stupid jokes.  Whatever happened to self- esteem and that saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?”  Did that go out in the 70’s? Back from my rant, Well, Jeremy Lin may need more than an injection of some magic potion a little higher up than his knee from what I hear from the street.  Now, as Jason said, it may not be his fault, because his genes what fills his jeans.  You can pick a pocket, pick a nose, but you can’t pick your parents. (Stupid joke epidemic) Maybe Jeremy needs to add some Asian tricks to make up for his shortcomings in the sack and then he can truly be BalLin.

Root Growing Powder – (tongkat ali) Maybe we call it Lintongali?  (NY Knicks Trainer’s Room)

Jeremy, you may already know since you are a Harvard grad, but it is possible to get penile and testicle enlargement from taking pasak bumi (tongkat ali)! The NY Knicks should have put a large dose in their team Gaterade bucket – it may have helped them play some defense! Getting your junk to grow is a direct effect of the root’s testosterone enhancing properties.  I am not sure if it would trigger a positive on your performance enhancing urine test, but perhaps if you start hitting home runs they may want to run one.

Sex Vacations

Jeremy Shu-How Lin’s roots are from Taiwan and China, but all the sex craving women from his old rompin ground load up and head to the seashores of Indonesia!  Women there know that good things don’t always come in small packages and head for greener pastures and bedrooms (www.fourseasons.com/jakarta/)!  So not everything is “made in China” – lovemaking seems to be an export business!  Why would women pack their bags and head south?  Size Matters.

Abstract

Now playing for the NY Knicks – #35 a short and round forward, with huge junk from Jakarta, Dusty “the bone” Warrior!

The reason for this preference by Japanese and Chinese women is not the bone in the guys’ nose, but the bone in the guys’ clothes.  It is true that Indonesian men are the best endowed in all of East and Southeast Asia, which likely is a consequence of the fact that tongkat ali (pasak bumi in Indonesian) is so popular in the country.

Linsanity is certainly a big phenomenon – bigger than life actually.  But now it isn’t all about Tongkat Ali – as there is a Lin -Bud marijuana blend that doesn’t make anything bigger, but your legal fees.  Just like the Knicks championship run – it all went up in a pile of limp Lin smoke!

One way to hide your smallness, is to hang out with even smaller, like Spikey L’ Lee!  Why is it that those with the small in the pants seem to have the biggest glasses and mouths?  Well, there’s always next season for the Lil Knickers who are all lining up in Chinatown looking for a bigger future.

Time to say Linbye for now,

Dr. Darrin Frye

The $275 Million Dollar Man Holding On To The Past While a New Girl becomes the Next Girl

“Hey Mickey, He Likes It.” (see if anyone gets that one)

Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) is doing whatever he can to keep his body going!

The gambling NY Yankees are the ones on their knees praying that A Rods’contract, with 5 more years of  of $33 million per year salary actually is going to pay off!  One of the best baseball players of all time, arguably, is a very nice guy  and is well liked by everyone who knows him – maybe except a few of his ex-flames, like Madonna, and Cameron Diaz, and Kate Hudson and, and, and… But heck, who can blame the Silver Slugger for being a Tiger on the prowl.  Single again, crazy famous, and stupidly rich athletes seem to be magnetizing for celebrity and model type women!  (Hello Kim Kardashian and who?- we all know where that took us, and Victoria Secret Model Adriana Lima and Mr. Jaric are two good examples)  A Rod has had quite a past already, and it seems that his future is going to be just as interesting…

Love Doctor In the House (AKA “Next Girl”)

Torrie Wilson – considered by many “an expert on knees” but not the kind of specialist A Rod needed for his knee and shoulder.  No, this is not the Love Doctor, but she is in the house for now.  This is a former Playboy and FHM model, Miss Galaxy fitness competitor , and retired professional wrestler, who should not get any permanent tatoos with A Rod’s name, as his average girlfriend lasts anywhere from 4 hours to 4 dates.  This girl suffered a bad back injury (leave the jokes) and I believe had disc surgery which seems to be successful.  A Rod needs to have all of his joints working perfectly to play third base for the Yankees, but apparently he didn’t have to have a good knee or workable shoulder to reach home base with Torrie Wilson!

Tight Painful Knee Threatens Career – Novel Treatment Needed

Question:  Name three things that are now looser these days?  Answer:  A Rod’s knee and shoulder,  and Torrie Wilson!   That is kinda funny, but on a more serious note, A Rod has  traumatic osteoarthritis in his joints due to all of that running, swinging, and diving he does.  (and that’s just on dates!)  He decided to travel to Germany to get a novel treatment on his knee and shoulder called the Orthokine procedure.  This particular kind of PRP treatment isn’t being done in America at this point, and it does not use the animal derived activator Actovegin whcih is banned for use in humans. This is one treatment that Major League Baseball allows at this point, even though one could certainly argue that there is little difference in this, and the final result of human growth hormone (which is against league policy) as far as cartilage health and restoration.  Maybe A Rod has a thing for Germans, I believe Torrie has some German ancestry?!  I will describe the procedure, but first let’s look at how the knee cartilage wears out.  It isn’t a pretty picture.

Trauma causes excessive wear and tear on the delicate tissues that cushion bones and joints. Seriously, we as doctors need to be more open to these novel treatments such as the Orthokine procedure, because they can be a career extenders. The Orthokine procedure is an experimental therapy (in USA) in which blood is taken from the patient’s arm, placed into a centrifuge and then spun. This blood is then injected into the area the patient is having treated.  This is not a stem cell therapy, or growth hormone therapy, and it is not a violation of the World Anti Doping Association’s requirements.  While it is impossible at this point to regenerate cartilage that is gone, there have been some success in reducing the wear, and certainly reducing the pain that this condition causes.  Stem cell therapy along with HGH, and PRP could be the treatment that indeed could make new parts regrow or get bigger, and that is an exciting prospect.  (No, there have been no research to suggest that this could increase penis size – you perverts)

How the PRP Procedure Works

The blood is taken from the arm vein using the special EOT syringe. The glass beads in the syringe induce the blood cells to synthesize increased amounts of protective proteins inhibiting osteoarthritis.One of the proteins is the  Interleukin-1-Receptor-Antagonist, which acts as an anti-inflammatory and analgesic agent, thus, a cartilage protector. Joint pain usually resolves quite quickly after treatment, and this leads to the improvement of joint function. The degenerative process of cartilage damage is delayed.  Several sports stars have traveled across the pond to Germany to see Dr. Peter Wehling, at the center for Orthopedics and Molecular Medicine in Dusseldorf, including Koby Bryant, Fred Couples, and Vijay Singh.  Tiger Woods and Rafael Nadal have also had PRP (similar)  treatments.  So, while many doctors are trying to figure out if this treatment works or not, athletes are getting it done today because they don’t have time to waste getting back to business.

A Rod’s joints are now feeling A – OK!  Will let you know how things turn out as far as the love life. Can you get traumatic arthritis in the lips?  I might have to invent a new cosmetic Restylane/Orthokine lip filler product for Torrie?  You read it here first – the next evolution in lip beauty!

Right now the flames are hot.

Kneed to Go Now and Work on My Inventions,

Dr. Frye

SPACE PROBE 2012

The search for life inside the rectal vault of man

The prostate gland is a walnut-sized organ tucked away where the sun don’t shine, and although it often needs medical screening, it doesn’t always get it.

Virtual Robotic Fingers can go where no man has dared to go (outside of west Hollywood anyway)

About 1 in 6 U.S. men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer at some point in their life. About 6 in 6 men dreaded going to their doctor every year to get their rectum probed. Sad part, in the U.S., about 217,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year, and 32,000 die.

Go Deep or Go Home

While most would think that when their annual rectal exam is “normal”  it would be very reassuring, but the DRE (digital rectal exam) is not designed to detect early cancers.  The space probe of the rear-end kind mainly reveals just the size and shape of the prostate gland.  Remember, tumors have to be very advanced before they can be felt, so there is a big push to find better ways to detect and treat prostate cancers and treat them when they are small.

Deliverance

The thought of going for a prostate exam can drive most men to drink.  Dropping their pants and bending over is the last thing most men want to ever do, as it can be embarrassing, and uncomfortable.  Actually, it is a lot like what we see when men come in for blood draws.  They get all worked up ahead of time, and once the blood is taken they say, “wow, that was nothing!”  The reality is that all men must get their prostates checked routinely, and although it is more than nothing, doesn’t cause banjo nightmares throughout the rest of your life.

“Try to get a boner now”

No gain, just pain

So, what is the better way to see if you have prostate cancer?  We have used the Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) test, which is a blood test to see if there are signs that cells are starting to become malignant.  While it is good www.beacheslab.com, high levels of PSA only sometimes signals prostate cancer.  It can also indicate an infection or an enlarged prostate (BPH), or tiny tumors that may never pose a threat.   Also, if you have had sex in the past 24 – 48 hours that can also raise your levels, so I always warn my guys not to have crazy sex before the blood test day.  Bad thing is, if the PSA is high we often recommend a biopsy, where we cut small pieces out of your prostate and send it to the lab.  Most men who undergo a biopsy for an abnormal PSA test don’t have prostate cancer, so pain, but no gain!

New Test for prostate CA!

Pee PCA3

Science has brought us a new (and expensive) test for prostate cancer (CaP), the urinary PCA3 gene test. Remember, serum PSA levels are not specific for CaP but this new marker has a much greater degree of CaP specificity than PSA testing.  Perhaps we can cut out all that cutting out of prostate biopsies (1 million per year in US). But, the way you have to get the sample…you have to do a Attentive Rectal Exam and then have the patient urinate.  That means you put your finger in as far as possible and you mash down hard on the prostate over and over to get the cells to loosen up to be peed out.

Attentive Rectal Exam = Prostate Milking = Means smashing the ole walnut with the gloved finger!

Rove you Rong Time Sailor

Working girls – should be able to bill Medicare for Happy Rear Endings!

These Asian girls have been doing prostate milking for years, and who knew they could have been screening the Johns for prostate cancer.  Their medical exam (sex massage) begins with a thorough soaping down in a large tub.  After that, there’s a romp on the bed to last about an hour and half and for some they pay for a happy ending which could include prostate massage (milking) with yikes, non-gloved finger(s)!  Some feel that emptying the prostate is therapeutic and reduces the risk of cancer in it’s own right.  The jury is still out on that one.  Price is between 1,000 and 1,600 baht ($32-52.00) plus tips.  Turns out this is the same amount Medicare pays us doctors for doing the DRE!

Aneros Helix Prostate Stimulator $47.38

For those who have to do it outside the doctors office..The prostate dildo,  referred to as the Rain Maker,  can be used to stimulate the prostate gland in men.  Some say the prostate gland could be the ‘male G-spot’ and is stimulated for either medical or sexual purpose, or I guess both.  Some have renamed the sensitive area the “P-spot.”  So, if you wanted, you could do the attentive Aneros Helix, then pee in a cup, and send it to my lab, www.beacheslab.com, and we can find out what it says.  And for those who want to be tested every week – buy a banjo and move to West Virginia.

On a serious note – Prostate Cancer is horrible and can be deadly.

Earl Woods

Tiger Woods’ father was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1998 and successfully treated with radiation, but the cancer returned more aggressively in 2004. Mr. Woods died on May 3, 2006 at the age of 74.  Even though Tiger is doing well of late with work, and perhaps with Elin, each day without his papa has got to be a sad one.  Unfortunately, black men have a much higher rate of prostate cancer, so it is important to get routine physicals and labwork, especially if you are undergoing hormone replacement therapy (HRT) with testosterones or human growth hormone.  For one of the best centers you may consider www.pbpmed.com. I am a big fan of Tiger’s and hope nothing but the best for him and his family.

Time to Re Glove,

Dr. Darrin Frye

Chunky Monkey War

Don’t play Chicken with this girl – you may lose a finger or two!

Fat, Dumb, and Gassy

Jessica Simpson was less than 3 Twinkies away from looking like this - I hear her daisy duke shorts exploded last year!  Now, rumor is that she has been signed with a weight loss company to lose her fat for $4 Million dollars.  That is about $40,000/lb or so, not bad.   I think it is sad when someone is 7 months pregnant and people weren’t sure she was carrying a child, or mountains of bon bons.

It’s not the Meat

Jessica recently said, “My belly is officially bigger than my boobs..well kinda…ha,”  You have to admit, the one thing she might be good at is breast feeding.  She seems anatomically gifted in that regard, even though after the breast feeding she may need a crane to get them back above her beltline!  She certainly won’t know how to spell milc but she will most like make a lot of it.

What happened to cute Jessica?!

Simpson wrote that she thinks she farts 225 times a day now, so I guess we have to send condolences to her fiance, Eric Johnson (sex with lights out) who most likely thinks Jessica’s new perfume line is called oeuf  pourri (rotten eggs).

Hormonal Haze

The prominence of progesterone in a pregnant woman’s body  plays a major role in excessive gas. Progesterone slows the digestive process, causing bloat and subsequent gas. Likewise, the weight of the growing baby presses onto the digestive tract, further slowing things down. This spells gassy hell in the old Simpson household.

Not everyone gets paid for being fat

When it comes to the salaries of men and women in the workplace, an employee’s body weight often determines the size of his or her paycheck!    The study  reported that women who weigh significantly less than the group norm earn about $16,000 more a year on average than women who are overweight.  It pays to be skinny!

Glass Ceiling

Self Esteem and Sexism

A  study  showed female managers are more than three times as likely as their male counterparts to underrate their bosses’ opinions of their job performance. The discrepancy increases with women older than 50, the study states.“Women have imposed their own glass ceiling, and if they are fat it can be even more dramatic!

He thinks he is hot!

However, studies find the opposite to be true for men, with skinny men not reaping the benefits that their female counterparts do when it comes to their earning potential. Average-weight men, and even those who are on the overweight side, earn about $8,000 more than their skinny male co-workers, the study found. Over the course of a 25-year career, these figures account for skinny women earning $389,300 more than average-weight women, while skinny men earn $210,925 less than the average male.

This sign should read, Please don’t feed the Fat Women!  (It is ok to feed the fat men)

When it comes to maintaining a healthy weight for a lifetime, the bottom line is – calories count!  Weight management is all about balance – balancing the number of calories you consume with the number of calories your body uses or “burns off.”  It ain’t as easy burning calories as it is eating them!

The perfect combination of chocolate and peanut butter.  One mini Reeses Cup is 44 calories.

Weight Bench

At 450 pounds,  sitting on this bench for 8 hours burns 28 calories or 1/2 of that Mini Reeses Peanut Butter cup!  That is 3.6 calories burned per hour.  With 3500 calories/ week = 1 lb loss - for her to lose 100 lbs she needs to sit here for 97,222 hours, or until the year 2023 without eating anything.  Fat chance.  I think Code Pink might ought to be thinking about obesity rather than protesting our military efforts!  Maybe peace does takes brains, protesting doesn’t.   When your stomach sits on two levels of bleachers,  I call this Code Disgusting and perhaps the time to reconsider your health plan.

Time to get that image out of my mind before dinner,

Dr. Frye

Where the rubber hits the road

Nowadays, condoms come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and flavors, and there are even male and female styles now.  There are small ones, huge ones, skinny ones, grape, green, glowing, or peppermint candy ones; from latex to lamb skin – you name it, and there’s one probably out there.  Most women appreciate great sex, and the sperm stopping power of condoms, but scoff at the ribbing, bumps, bulges, and gadgets that men have designed into the rubber as ineffective.   Birth control pills while doing the best to prevent toddlers in the house, do nothing to stop sexually transmitted diseases, and they have negative consequences for women when it comes to lowering testosterone and increasing risks of stroke.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could find a birth control pill for men?  Well, there soon could be, and it is a natural approach!

Are you on the pill?

If you were designing the perfect contraceptive, it would be amazing if you could find one men could take.  Something natural, and easy to use, that doesn’t cause a lack of sensation on the private parts, won’t slip off, or break, and normal fertility can be restored soon after drug administration is terminated.  Is this a pipe dream or possible? Read on – you may be surprised!

Nutcracker – great ballet, poor birth control choice

Old school birth control aka getting “racked”.  The testicles are quite the manufacturing plant – making not only testosterone hormone, but also sperm.  We do know that trauma can have a negative impact on the production of both hormones, and any boy can easily recall a time when they had a significant pain in the shorts after some kind of accident.  Vitamins and minerals have a huge impact on the quality and quantity of male hormone production, but who knew that by blocking them you could literally castrate a man!  I guess scientists have know this for over a century but I must have missed that memo!

Do you have your A game?

As I mentioned, scientists have known for almost 100 years that depriving an animal of dietary vitamin A causes male sterility. Only recently has technology afforded us the ability to block a single nutrient from being able to get inside the cell to do it’s job. The brain of the cell – the nucleus, requires a code to allow entrance inside.  If we jam the lock which is RAR alpha (a nuclear receptor) Vitamin A cannot get in, and that results in male infertility.  Vitamin A is one of four fat soluble vitamins and one of 13 essential vitamins your body needs for health. It is an important nutrient and in third world countries, children that don’t get enough vitamin A get a condition called xerophthalmia that causes permanent blindness  - see  www.isightproject.org for more information on that tragedy.  You can donate to help that cause if you would like.

Tied up in nuts (knots)

For those who don’t want to block their vitamin or slap on a condom – vasectomies seem like a good idea, right?  Well, sperm stoppage is a war that rages on, and while it seems to be possible to create a temporary or permanent block of the fluid of life, many would love to find a natural way to block sperm without causing loss of the feeling of the sex act, or having a portion of their body cut in two.  If we could target men rather than women, and make it convenient and reversible – that would be something.  I am convinced by my medical practice experience, that men who get vasectomies, seem to encounter significant problems with low testosterone (low-T) a few years after the operation, despite the pre-surgical information that states it will not affect anything but sperm blocking.

May have to chew your arm off in the morning

I wonder what is going to happen if we block vitamin A to get birth control, and then the lack of vitamin A causes vision problems.   Gees, guys might get even worse cases of Beer Googles.  This could be very dangerous!  At least no love babies will be made from having thirteen too many beers, and three Tequila shots- that could be a plus!

Time to go take my vitamins,

Dr. Darrin Frye

KICK ZIPPY TO THE CURB AND FORGET HIM

Prescription for Peace and Quiet

Can you imagine that one day you could just take a little pill and forget all about someone who has done you wrong?  Like taking a Tylenol after one too many drinks – poof!  and all is well?  The real morning after pill!  Grudges and revenge be damned – amnesia is the new answer!  That is what might be on the horizon as researchers are working on a drug called PKM.

So far, researchers haven’t figured out exactly how the brain works, especially the female brain.  The diagram above shows a summary of what they have found so far. Apparently phone skill center is enlarging (thanks iphone 4s), encroaching on the commitment need center so more women are committed to their cell phone than a man.  I have heard women say, “heck, it vibrates” why do I need a man?  I don’t think this brain diagram is right actually, because women’s memory center has to be huge – they never forget when men do something wrong, and I don’t see memory center listed anywhere.  Where is memory stored anyway?  We know the pathways that the brain uses to store and retrieve memories, but which cells contain the thought?  We lose cells every day, yet we retain our long term memory….hmm?

You can forget the walk of shame!

New Option!  Stay overnight, maybe even have crazy (safe) sex, then walk home the next morning in the clothes you wore out the night before, and then take a pill and forget it ever happened!  The walk of shame will be no more!  We don’t know it all about memory storage, but neuroscientists reports that injecting a drug that blocks an enzyme called protein kinase Mzeta (PKMzeta) into the cerebral cortex of rats makes the animals forget a meal that made them sick weeks earlier. I think some restaurants may want to put this pill on their dessert menus.  I have eaten some forgettable meals – that’s for sure, and if you have ever gotten food poisoning – it is hard to ever eat that food again…escargot – never again for  me. And for those who wonder about the rat/human thing, remember many men are very similar to rats and so the data can be extrapolated with confidence.

Pretty Pedal Power

Have you heard the expression, “it’s just like riding a bike” implying that even if you kind of forgot how to do something, it will come right back?  Well, researchers have  identified a key nerve cell in the brain that controls the formation of memories for motor skills such as riding a bicycle, skiing or eating with chop sticks.  They found these molecular layer interneurons that transform the electrical signals into a language that can be laid down as a memory in other parts of the brain.  I wonder if PKM will make people forget how to do things?  That might not be good.

Freak Warning – Another Date Rape Drug?

Could be dangerous!

Can you imagine how the date rape drug perverts might use a drug that erases memory permanently like PKM?  It is horrifying to hear stories of the drug called Rohypnol (Roofie) which causes 8 – 12 hours of total amnesia, and women and men waking up not knowing what happened to them. It is really important not to accept drinks from others, or leave your drink unattended for even a second, for there are predators out there looking to take advantage.  Also, girls stick together and don’t let a stranger who offers to take one of your friends home who is way too drunk for how much they consumed, leave with them.  This pill is 10 times stronger than valium, so 20 minutes after they take it they are really woozy.  It combines with the alchohol and really causes loss of coordination, and ability to know what is happening.

Time for Selective Forgetting,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD

TimeMasterMD

In the land of Milk and Honey  (or Los Angeles)- all is not sweet!

Everyone seems to be excited and talking about milk and honey shoes, but health conscious folks are concerned more about hormones and pollutants showing up in the milk supply rather than if  custom wedding shoes match the theme of the event.  Not only are contaminants scary to think about -frankly, cow’s milk isn’t even a properly balanced food .  Trying to sweeten the pot with honey? – well that might not be the answer either.  Read on to find out why.

Milk is not just cold white goodness. The milk of every animal is unique and specifically tailored to the requirements of that species. For example, cows’ milk has more protein in it than human milk does. Three to four times as much, and has five to seven times the mineral content. Minerals are important – check out www.ivitaminscience.com if you want to read about that.  However, cow’s milk is markedly deficient in essential fatty acids when compared to human milk. Mothers’ milk has six to ten times as much of the essential fatty acids, especially linoleic acid. (Incidentally, skimmed cow’s milk has no linoleic acid). We need these essential fatty acids to keep our waistlines tight, our muscles strong, and our circulation and energy healthy.

What’s all that powder on your nose (LA reference)- I mean feet, little bees?

In honey, Palmitic and oleic acids were respectively found in relative good concentrations, but only small amounts of lauric, stearic, and linoleic acids.  So if you are trying to get your essential fatty acids by adding honey to milk, you probably aren’t going to get much accomplished except satisfying your sweet tooth, and causing frequent trips to the bathroom for that lactose insufficiency problem.

OOh Baby Baby

It is a good idea to keep species specific nutrition in mind when it comes to feeding our children milk.  We must always try to breast feed if possible because of the proper ratios of protein, and nutrients – including fatty acids.  Plus it is a great bonding experience, and sets children off on the right foot, keeping them from getting infections and making them grow fast!

Got Milk and Mischief?

We should be careful what we are feeding our babies, or even adults who act like babies!  Lindsay Lohan has got milk, and also a pissed off judge to deal with.  We may need to keep an eye on her.  Now for the rest of us adults – let’s skip the cow’s milk, and all the drama, and bring on the BEEF!  I know all those cattle are out there mooing saying, “please eat more chicken” and “go vegetarian!”

Carnivore Cathy

Time for some milk, pollen and cookies, (and a lactaid) ,

Dr. Darrin Frye, MD  (the timemastermd)