SPACE PROBE 2012
The search for life inside the rectal vault of man
The prostate gland is a walnut-sized organ tucked away where the sun don’t shine, and although it often needs medical screening, it doesn’t always get it.
Virtual Robotic Fingers can go where no man has dared to go (outside of west Hollywood anyway)
About 1 in 6 U.S. men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer at some point in their life. About 6 in 6 men dreaded going to their doctor every year to get their rectum probed. Sad part, in the U.S., about 217,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year, and 32,000 die.
Go Deep or Go Home
While most would think that when their annual rectal exam is “normal” it would be very reassuring, but the DRE (digital rectal exam) is not designed to detect early cancers. The space probe of the rear-end kind mainly reveals just the size and shape of the prostate gland. Remember, tumors have to be very advanced before they can be felt, so there is a big push to find better ways to detect and treat prostate cancers and treat them when they are small.
The thought of going for a prostate exam can drive most men to drink. Dropping their pants and bending over is the last thing most men want to ever do, as it can be embarrassing, and uncomfortable. Actually, it is a lot like what we see when men come in for blood draws. They get all worked up ahead of time, and once the blood is taken they say, “wow, that was nothing!” The reality is that all men must get their prostates checked routinely, and although it is more than nothing, doesn’t cause banjo nightmares throughout the rest of your life.
“Try to get a boner now”
No gain, just pain
So, what is the better way to see if you have prostate cancer? We have used the Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) test, which is a blood test to see if there are signs that cells are starting to become malignant. While it is good www.beacheslab.com, high levels of PSA only sometimes signals prostate cancer. It can also indicate an infection or an enlarged prostate (BPH), or tiny tumors that may never pose a threat. Also, if you have had sex in the past 24 – 48 hours that can also raise your levels, so I always warn my guys not to have crazy sex before the blood test day. Bad thing is, if the PSA is high we often recommend a biopsy, where we cut small pieces out of your prostate and send it to the lab. Most men who undergo a biopsy for an abnormal PSA test don’t have prostate cancer, so pain, but no gain!
New Test for prostate CA!
Science has brought us a new (and expensive) test for prostate cancer (CaP), the urinary PCA3 gene test. Remember, serum PSA levels are not specific for CaP but this new marker has a much greater degree of CaP specificity than PSA testing. Perhaps we can cut out all that cutting out of prostate biopsies (1 million per year in US). But, the way you have to get the sample…you have to do a Attentive Rectal Exam and then have the patient urinate. That means you put your finger in as far as possible and you mash down hard on the prostate over and over to get the cells to loosen up to be peed out.
Attentive Rectal Exam = Prostate Milking = Means smashing the ole walnut with the gloved finger!
Rove you Rong Time Sailor
Working girls – should be able to bill Medicare for Happy Rear Endings!
These Asian girls have been doing prostate milking for years, and who knew they could have been screening the Johns for prostate cancer. Their medical exam (sex massage) begins with a thorough soaping down in a large tub. After that, there’s a romp on the bed to last about an hour and half and for some they pay for a happy ending which could include prostate massage (milking) with yikes, non-gloved finger(s)! Some feel that emptying the prostate is therapeutic and reduces the risk of cancer in it’s own right. The jury is still out on that one. Price is between 1,000 and 1,600 baht ($32-52.00) plus tips. Turns out this is the same amount Medicare pays us doctors for doing the DRE!
Aneros Helix Prostate Stimulator $47.38
For those who have to do it outside the doctors office..The prostate dildo, referred to as the Rain Maker, can be used to stimulate the prostate gland in men. Some say the prostate gland could be the ‘male G-spot’ and is stimulated for either medical or sexual purpose, or I guess both. Some have renamed the sensitive area the “P-spot.” So, if you wanted, you could do the attentive Aneros Helix, then pee in a cup, and send it to my lab, www.beacheslab.com, and we can find out what it says. And for those who want to be tested every week – buy a banjo and move to West Virginia.
On a serious note – Prostate Cancer is horrible and can be deadly.
Tiger Woods’ father was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1998 and successfully treated with radiation, but the cancer returned more aggressively in 2004. Mr. Woods died on May 3, 2006 at the age of 74. Even though Tiger is doing well of late with work, and perhaps with Elin, each day without his papa has got to be a sad one. Unfortunately, black men have a much higher rate of prostate cancer, so it is important to get routine physicals and labwork, especially if you are undergoing hormone replacement therapy (HRT) with testosterones or human growth hormone. For one of the best centers you may consider www.pbpmed.com. I am a big fan of Tiger’s and hope nothing but the best for him and his family.
Time to Re Glove,
Dr. Darrin Frye